How I learn to love myself – part one
“The so called inner child” that is the name of a book written by the two psychologists Herbold and Sachsse. The title hints at the problem behind. Whenever a technical term penetrates everyday speech it is in danger to leave the path of a selective definition and is often being defamiliarized or being weakened or is being adapted to the needs of different interest groups.
The curse of the countermure
Quite simple the term “inner child” is about finding measures to become more self-caring and to keep it up. That might sound easy but it is not. Because often you have to deal with your plugged-in defence-mechanisms which have been build in our childhood and adolescence in order to protect ourselves, of which we have to get rid by now to live a free and self-determined life.
To give you an metaphoric analogy a song by Sting comes into my mind, called “Fortress around your heart“. This song perfectly describes this countermure around the heart, which I built as a child and which I have to tear down brick by brick by now. And I mean it exactly that way: brick by brick. And believe me I am a very impatient person. I have my problems with it.
The term of the “inner child”, to come full circle, can be helpful on this journey, as the case may be, in my sense, whether you are a brain-driven or emotional person. Brain-driven persons, such as me, might be struggling with the often trivialized presentation of the term by displaying a teddy bear, a little girl or boy. That often leads to the establishment of extra resistance and makes you fall into regression.
Reconciliation with the self
What does this concept stand for then? Precisely it is about the reconciliation with the “inner child”, it is a kind of self-awareness which gives us a feeling of reassurance by learning certain skills.
And well, this method also has a spiritual side to it, I just learned that. I do not mean esoteric by that (I allude to the negative connotation on the one hand, on the other hand I address to the flourishing market of self-healing which partly misuses people’s misery). But until I was ready to understand this it took me a very, very long time. Once again this perception leads me to my slogan: “Life is a journey, not a destination“.
Genie in a bottle
And whoever knows me, that is for sure, would never link me to spirituality. Indeed and that is also for sure, dealing with theory often means you are stuck in it. That holds true at least for brain-driven people like me. That exactly tackles my problem, that I can understand all my defence-mechanisms and its origins in my head. Alone, I do not feel them and that’s why I cannot transform them yet into positive energy. They linger in me like the proverbial genie in a bottle, waiting to be released. I guess emotional persons are at an advantage in this case, as soon as they, via literature or therapy, recognize their patterns and dogmas and are able to dissolve them.
I might be at a disadvantage still. But the task is not insolvable but needs a different perspective. Occupational or Gestalt therapy, energy cards or therapy approaches such as RTT might be helpful here. More of that later. I would not have guessed it but it works with me better every day.
Gut feeling as navigation
The authors Herboll/Sachsee are quite skeptic when it comes to “inner child” pictures in the sense of emotions coming from the gut or are being described as the domicile of intuition. You can be suspicious here and that’s okay. A healthy distrust protects you from being hooked up by a charlatan which can be found in every sector. At the same time trust your gut feeling and sense, whether the staved path is the right one. Generally I can rely on myself or at least can learn to do so.
This introduction is meant to open up a serial on a couple of articles, comparable to the “sudden death of emotions” line of goods. The new serial is called “How I learn to love myself”. The title is inspired by a movie called “How I learned to treat me like a child”. Two sentences from this film impressed my a lot:
- “You should honour yourself”
- “Long live human closeness”
And then there are three mnemonic coming from that movie which I cannot repeat often enough to myself:
- Do what comes into your mind
- Avow yourself to your curiosities
- Never let others made decisions that concern your life
Having written this I am looking forward to share my experience and the way of my self-evidence with you because Pandora’s box has been opened for good. And I would be happy if you’d accompany me.
It is not only my aim to become my own best friend but also to become a recognized expert on matters of love and I do not mean erotic adventures in the first place.
Ah and one more thing. For today I’d like to say to my inner critic: “You are off for today!”
